I didn’t love my kids right away…: And other reasons I’m not winning “Mom of the Year”

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Three days after baby Lion arrived on the scene (with a roar, I might add…) I sat in my living room, holding him, bawling my eyes out and blubbering to my husband “I just don’t like him!”

Now before you read more, please know that I love my children.  And I’m very very grateful to have them and know first hand that dealing with maybe not being able to have kids is very difficult.  In no way am I complaining about the existence of my tiny humans.

But the beginning is not easy, and they have no personalities, and all they want is boobs.  And that is EXHAUSTING.  And at the same time, people are calling and texting and visiting  sharing their congratulations and being genuinely happy for you.  (Which is so nice, and please don’t stop!… but this is my state of mind at the moment..)  And all that is going through my head is “thanks for the congratulations, but I’m so tired I just want to go back to the hospital where they will take my baby into the nursery and I can go to sleep.”

There is a lot of pressure to be a perfect mom.  A lot of comparing experiences with other moms.  I’ve heard several moms share how they saw their child for the first time and their heart just filled up and they cried and it was all sunshine and daisies.  I have personally never cried when my kids were born.  Then there are the amazing moms who never let their kids watch tv, or who have planned craft activities for them throughout the day, or enjoy playing outside with them (none of these things are bad, I’m truly in awe and wish I was this kind of mom).  What I’m learning though is that no mom is perfect.  While I am super good at letting my toddler make a mess, it absolutely would drive other moms bonkers.  Everyone has different strengths (do you like how my idea of a strength is letting my kid make a mess?!)  But let’s not focus on strengths here…

Without further ado… here is a fun list for you about how I am definitely NOT winning any “Mom of the Year” awards.

  1.  When my children were born I had not one emotional thought about them.  For baby moose, the first thought I had was “HOLY CRAP THAT’S A PERSON!”  For baby lion, who was unintentionally born very quickly without any drugs for me (thanks kid!), the first thought was “Thank you LORD it doesn’t hurt anymore!”
  2. My first day alone with both boys looked like this:  I slept accidentally until 10 (thanks lion!) and didn’t hear the toddler AT ALL when he woke up at 8.  He had fallen back to sleep by the time I got to him.  He later found the bottle of baby gas drops and DRANK THEM!  A fun call to Poison Control later to find out he’d be fine (but would have some gas, ironically).  Then I had baby lion on the bed and moose comes up and sits on him…. and then round house kicks him in the head.  It ended with moose watching mickey mouse clubhouse on my computer in the dining room and me feeding a screeching baby on the couch in the living room.  PARENT OF THE YEAR!
  3. Moose woke up early from his nap today.  Right as Lion was falling asleep for a nap right on top of me.  So Moose watched TV (…. and is still watching it) and hung out in a poop diaper for about an hour before the smell bothered me so much I had to change it… not for him, but for my own sake.
  4. I bribe my child with snacks when I need him to behave.  He wouldn’t come downstairs after his nap one day, so I told him he’d get a brownie once we got to the kitchen.  He quickly joined me.  I also tend to give him snacks when he’s upset.  #eatyofeelings
  5. Moose and Lion have been wearing the same clothes for 2 days.  I am wearing clean clothes.  Shouldn’t it be the other way around?  (although, showering has not happened for ANY of us since Sunday).

I can’t be the only one out there who has super great #momoftheyear moments.  Share them in the comments!  Let’s stand together in our inability to be that perfect mom.

Just for fun… here are baby pics of moose and lion (taken by the amazing Lindsay Fauver of  Lindsay Fauver Photography)

**Disclaimer: For some reason we assigned our kids spirit animals.  It was not intentional, but now it seems to have stuck and made for some really cute photos!

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Remember When…?

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Can anyone who has kids relate to this?  A lot changes when little ones take over.

Remember when…

  • Your bladder worked at full capacity?  Before having kids, I would go to work… be there allll day… come home and realize I hadn’t used the bathroom all day.  Now?  Every 10 minutes.  Thanks babies!!
  • Showering was just for hygiene?  Now it’s a retreat, sometimes up to 15 whole minutes of solitude where no one can need me and I get to breathe again.  Totally my favorite day of the week.  I put this on my to-do list now as a “prize” for getting all my things finished!
  • Going out for the night meant leaving at 9 and coming home … whenever?  I’ve always been more of a homebody than someone who goes out… but now there isn’t really that option as much.  When your toddler goes to bed at 7, any and all socialization happens before then!  (Unless you’re lucky enough to get a babysitter!  I pay mine in whatever is in my fridge and a heart full of gratitude 😉 … we don’t go out much)
  • Going to the bathroom was a private event?  Hahahahahahaha!  I may as well just leave the door open and say “come on in!”  Toddler boy wants to wash his hands and play in the sink.  And since I’ve been so accommodating as to provide a step stool for him to access such things (what was I thinking?!?) , this has now become his favorite activity.  He will come up and ask “washing hands?”  Also the oh-so-helpful playing with the toilet paper and awkward staring.  SO-MUCH-FUN :/
  • Your sole focus was job and friends (and spouse… love you honey!)?  I used to stay at work until 6 or 7 BECAUSE I WANTED TO to get things finished and ready for the week ahead.  I saw my friends way more… probably because I was able to go out without a kid hanging off of me and didn’t have to be home in time to put anyone to bed.  And definitely went to see more movies and have more dates with the husband… because we didn’t have to find a babysitter!
  • Life was a little less silly?  Definitely wouldn’t trade any of these things for my sometimes smelly (like right now… gotta wrap this up and go take care of him…), mostly giggly, always adorable little moose.

What’s changed for you?!  Share what you remember and how life is totally different now!

Dear Baby Moose

View More: http://lindsayfauverphotography.pass.us/baby-liam
Lindsay Fauver Photography

I’m pretty sure this picture was taken just yesterday.  Somehow you are two years old now and probably the funniest, busiest, most curious, creative kid I’ve ever met (totally not biased!)

I’ve been meaning to write you a letter for a while.  So much is about to change in your world and I want you to know that you are still super important, and your place in my heart will never ever, ever change.  In just a few days (or weeks… who knows?!) you will become a BIG BROTHER!  I can’t think of anyone who will be better at this task than you.  You are kind, loving, and somewhat willing to share your toys ;).

Before Baby Lion decides to join us though, there are a few things I want for you to remember and know…

  1. Mommy and Daddy will be out of the house for a couple days, but I promise we will come back.
  2. You will get to strut your stuff in the hospital when you come to meet your brother, and everyone will be so excited for you!!
  3. Your name means “Strong Protector”.  We picked it for you because we knew that as the oldest there are going to be times when you need to be strong for your little siblings and protect them.  Having watched you these last two years with your cousin and little baby friends, I KNOW this is already something you are good at.  Your heart is already so big and ready to watch out for those smaller than you.
  4. NEVER stop dancing!  Kid, you dance even when there isn’t music.  You dance to the beat when there is.  You are incredible.
  5. I promise we will keep playing outside even after the baby comes.  We can still play with your toys and trucks and bike.  We’ll still go to the library for story time and to MOPs for you to play with your friends (and for me to play with mine!).  Just because we are adding another human to the mix doesn’t mean the entire world will change… it just means we are going to be up earlier getting ready to go places.
  6. You are my favorite little moose.  And ALWAYS will be.  I love hearing you call for me in the morning “Mama, where are you?” and then “Hi Buddy!” when I come into your room.  I love our nap time snuggles and when you ask me to “get in” to your crib with you.  I love the “gifts” you bring me from the kitchen (ladles, salad dressing, mixing bowls, tupperware…).  I love watching you run to your friend’s house and then once you see him, completely ignore him!  Haha.  So many things I love about you.

So your world is about to change, another human is about to become a part of our family, and you will probably not even be able to remember a time when he wasn’t here with us.  I promise to remember for you.  I love you sweet boy!