Me vs. God

Me versus

God:  Hey Barb, so I know you love staying home, but I’m going to ask you to step out of that for a while.

Me:  Um, I think no.  But thanks anyway!

God:  Hey, so…. actually yes.  But don’t worry, I’m gonna help you be okay with it.

**Husband: Hey Barb, I’ve been praying about this a lot and I think maybe we need you to apply for some jobs outside of the house.  Not forever, but for a little while.**

Me:  Um, yeah…. So still no.  But I get that I need to do something else so we don’t fall into a financial hole.  So look at all of these cool things I’m looking into that I can do WHILE STAYING HOME!  Isn’t it great!  Yay for a compromise!

God:  Mmhm… yeah… I see where you are coming from.  Unfortunately, ya know-being God, I don’t compromise because I really DO have a great plan that I would LOVE for you to be a part of.

Me:  Lord, you can’t really mean it.  I was supposed to stay home this time.  I’m supposed to be able to spend all of my days with my baby this time.  We’ve finally found a routine that works for us, a group of mom friends who are becoming my “people”, and life is starting to feel somewhat comfortable.  You can’t really mean that you want to take me away from all of this?  Away from my kids?

God:  Barb, that’s not what I mean.  I’ve given you this year at home to build your community, your confidence, your understanding of Me… all so that when I ask you to do this difficult thing that you will be prepared, you will be ready to do the work I need you to do, that I created you to do.

Me:  Okay.  I get it.  Lord, I’m going to apply for some jobs.  Mostly because I want to prove you wrong because nobody is going to call me back.  Look at these part-time jobs I can do when Eric gets home from work… best of both worlds!  Stay home during the day and work in the evenings :).  Ooo Ooo, and look at these online teaching positions!!  I can do them FROM HOME!!  Okay, okay… I get that you also think it might be a good idea to apply to some good ole full-time teaching jobs.  Fine.  I put in 3 applications.  They aren’t going to call me back.  So yeah.

God:  Kiddo, I love you.  I love that you are STILL trying to compromise with me.   I promise I will help your heart feel better about this.  You know that verse… “I work for the good of those who love Me, who have been called according to my purpose.”  It doesn’t mean that I’m going to give you whatever you want.  It means that I have a purpose for your life and when you love Me, I help you understand that purpose better and WANT to be a part of it… even when it’s difficult.

Me:  Dear Lord Jesus, Father I would really really like to stay home, but I kinda also know that what you have planned is usually better.  Please close all of the doors you don’t want me to go through.  Don’t let me get a job where you don’t want me.  (IE… if you could please get me a part-time or work from home job, that would be ideal, thanks!)  I promise to be obedient to where you call me.  But you’re gonna have to help me be okay with whatever and where ever that is.

God:  Yes!  I promise this is a good thing.  I’m going to even show you how good before you even start working… but first…. let’s close those doors…

*Online Teaching Jobs:  No Responses.  Sylvan:  Too slow to respond, not enough hours.  Part-Time Random Jobs:  Didn’t want me.  Part-Time Teaching Job:  No Response.

*Applied for full-time teaching position:  Called the next day for an interview.

Me:  Crap.  I got an interview.  Lord, you can’t really mean that I’m going back to full-time teaching, right?  right?!?

God:  It’s going to be okay.  I’m here.

Me:  Lord…. They offered me the job… I have to let them know tomorrow if I’m taking it.  I thought I sabotaged my chances during the interview when I told them I was really only returning because I needed the paycheck and I was hoping to find a part-time job instead.  Apparently they are cool with that :(.

God:  Yeah… so… when I’m working toward something, little statements like that don’t really get in the way… But nice try!  And woohooo!!  You got the job!!  Barb, this is gonna be so good.  For real for real.  Trust me.

Me:  *Dragging feet*.  Lord, you closed all other doors.  I want to make you “Lord” of my life and actually obey what you call me to.  Clearly, this is where you want me to be.  *Deep Breath*  Here we go.

God:  “Do not be afraid, for I AM WITH YOU.  Do not be dismayed, for I AM YOUR GOD.  I will STRENGTHEN you and HELP you.  I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

Me:  mmhm.

God:  “Now faith is confidence in what we hope for, and assurance of what WE DO NOT SEE.”

God:  “Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.”

Me:  Lord, my life is not my own.  I’m not the only person ever to have to leave my babies to go to work.  Help me to be a testimony of your goodness and faithfulness.  Increase my faith.  Help me to run this race well.

God:  “I will be with you always.”  You aren’t alone Barb.  This year is going to be so good for you and those you don’t even know yet.  I have a plan.

Me:  Right, so when you say “year”… you mean this is only for this year, right?  Then I can come back home?… right?  Lord?

God:  Trust me.

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7 thoughts on “Me vs. God

  1. This is amazing. I think this is one of my favorite posts of yours. I love how candid you are, and it’s funny, too! Thank you for sharing. You’re one of those people who is giving me real hope of being able to juggle a wonderful marriage, working, a beautiful house, and (eventual) motherhood. Thank you!!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Barb, this is breaking my heart as much as it is yours…but your faith and your attitude are both amazing. I’m so proud of you for remembering who you are and Whose you are. I love you so much💖

    Liked by 1 person

    1. God is going to take care of you and your family. I’m in awe of you trusting Him without knowing the whole plan! Kind of like Abraham and a whole lot of other obeying Christians! You can never go wrong doing the will of God! I’m proud of you. I want to be like this too! I wanna be like you when I grow up! Thanks for sharing…very encouraging!!

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    2. Barb, we are so proud of you! You are honest in your struggles with life and with God. Many Christians hide behind spiritual sounding words or they just commit to “toughing” things out (but with lousy attitudes). Your respectful questioning of the Lord, is more like the honesty found in Psalms and is a real inspiration to me. We love you, pray for you and your whole family as you follow the Lord. There Hath Not failed One Word of All His Good Promise!

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  3. Pingback: Wholly Surrender
  4. Reblogged this on and commented:

    I reread this today because I’m having a lot of difficulty wrapping my head around second semester of this school year. It’s helpful when past-me can share some wisdom with now-me. Re-blogging just in case anyone else is struggling with returning to work or picking back up after the holiday break. Happy New Year everyone!

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