See Barb. See food. See Barb eat food.

Dear World,

I am here today to re-introduce you to a lifestyle/diet that you may have forgotten about.  There all all of these lifestyle changes and diets going around that make promises for you to lose weight and feel great.

Well, let me remind you of a diet that will not fail to keep its promises.  It will do exactly what you would expect.  And I’m sharing this with you based on personal experience.  I have recently re-adopted this lifestyle and the results have been exponential.  No meal prep at all and probably the least expensive lifestyle out there.  Here are the steps I follow for the classic “See-Food” diet.

  1. Begin a stressful season in life.
  2. Eat a brownie because someone brought them to you and it’d be rude not to eat one.
  3. Eat the whole batch.
  4. Make your own batch of brownies.
  5. Eat the whole batch.
  6. Become obsessed with eating.
  7. Be stressed, bored, busy, anxious, overwhelmed, tired, energized, whatever emotion there is basically.
  8. Feed that emotion.
  9. Eat all the food.
  10. See food?  EAT IT!

I can absolutely promise you that with this diet you will get 100% results!  Will they be desired results?  No.  Will they be attractive?  No.  Will your face break out and your stomach be bloated?  YES. Guaranteed.  Will you start craving sugar like it’s going out of style?  Absolutely.

So… no diet advertisement is complete without a before and after…. you’re welcome :).

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Practically Perfect

I have this idea in my head of Mary Poppins living… Practically Perfect in Every Way.  Wouldn’t that be nice?  Doing it all and doing it all practically perfectly?  This working momma definitely wants to know her secret to keeping it all together and NOT having a mental break-down.

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again, NOBODY is super mom, NOBODY has it all together, NOBODY is Practically Perfect.

Perhaps for our parents or grand parents generations there was a big push to not “air your dirty laundry” and always appear under control and happy.  I am so so grateful for what I’m seeing from my generation.  Transparency. Vulnerability. Grace.

Ya’ll, we don’t have to be perfect!  We can have limits!  We CAN HAVE MESSY HOUSES AND MESSY LIVES!!

So, in the spirit of being transparent, here is a look at my not-so practically perfect life:

  1.  This morning I went to pick up the coffee creamer and give it a bit of a shake… what I didn’t know is that the top was not closed right … CREAMER EVERYWHERE.
  2. When reading a letter at my youngest son’s dedication, my oldest son shouted at me to “stop saying” and hit me when I didn’t.  In front of the church. #winning
  3. Life has gotten so crazy lately that the only time laundry seems to get done is when neither of us has any clean underwear left… stinks to be the first person to run out. (pun intended 😉 ).
  4. We have a new definition for put your toys away at our house (for the time being).  Away seems to be in the middle of the floor, in between doorways, and under the couch.  Anywhere but in the bins on the shelf.  Because that would just make sense.
  5. The amount of coffee consumption has sky rocketed to new heights since going back to work… and getting an incredibly awesome automatic pour-over coffee machine… We also now ONLY buy fancy coffee… no place for folder’s in our cups!
  6. It’s getting a bit cold now and so I’ve been wearing a robe in the mornings.  I put it on inside out today and didn’t realize.  I’ve been awake for over an hour.
  7. Do kids reaaally need baths more than once a week? (the answer is yes… probably… does using a baby wipe count?)

But, my kids are alive, my family is clothed ( although sometimes a bit smelly… but that’s what cologne and body spray are for right?) and fed and the adults are most of the time appropriately caffeinated.  That’s as close to practically perfect as I think I’m ever going to get ;).

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