If I Only Had a Brain

Image result for wizard of oz scarecrow clipart

“Remember before when I was kinda stupid?  Well, now I’m worser.”  –An excerpt from a real live conversation I had with a friend tonight.

Friends, let me tell you, adulting is hard.  And it requires a lot of brain cells.  And I appear to be lacking a whole lot of them.  I’m not sure if it’s residual ‘mom-brain’, lack of sleep, ridiculous stress, too much coffee (never!), or eating any and all the carbs I see (or smell… I went on a sniffing search today when I smelled chocolate in the hallway and decided I had to find out where it was coming from… but I digress).

Anyway, whatever the cause may be, there is clearly a decrease in brain activity happening over here.  I present you with the data:

  1. I said “worser”.  … Anyone who knows me knows that I get a bit snotty about well grammer and speaking proper.
  2. Yesterday I parked my car at work.  Or so I thought.  I went to get out and the door wouldn’t open.  AND THEN THE CAR STARTED MOVING BACKWARDS!!  I hadn’t actually parked my car.  I moved the gears, took out the key, and STARTED DRIFTING.  The car was in reverse.  I had to restart it and put it back in drive and repark (or park for the first time).  There was an audience.  It was a good moment.
  3. I stood in the lunch line with my students this week and for the life of me couldn’t remember what we were going to be learning about after lunch.  I had the lessons all done, copies made and ready to go.  But I couldn’t remember at all.  It took me 10 minutes.
  4. The English language has become very difficult for me to understand.  If you see me with a confunded (Harry Potter reference!) look on my face, and then watch me blabber on about something that has nothing to do with what you said, I probably had no idea what you said but didn’t realize it.
  5. It’s also become hard for me to speach (I’m leaving this typo, because apparently it’s become difficult to type as well).  A lot of my “intelligent” conversations that really matter have begun to come out in worser stupid.

I can’t be alone in this!  Anyone else adulting with less brain power than you started with?  I want to hear your stories too!

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See Barb. See food. See Barb eat food.

Dear World,

I am here today to re-introduce you to a lifestyle/diet that you may have forgotten about.  There all all of these lifestyle changes and diets going around that make promises for you to lose weight and feel great.

Well, let me remind you of a diet that will not fail to keep its promises.  It will do exactly what you would expect.  And I’m sharing this with you based on personal experience.  I have recently re-adopted this lifestyle and the results have been exponential.  No meal prep at all and probably the least expensive lifestyle out there.  Here are the steps I follow for the classic “See-Food” diet.

  1. Begin a stressful season in life.
  2. Eat a brownie because someone brought them to you and it’d be rude not to eat one.
  3. Eat the whole batch.
  4. Make your own batch of brownies.
  5. Eat the whole batch.
  6. Become obsessed with eating.
  7. Be stressed, bored, busy, anxious, overwhelmed, tired, energized, whatever emotion there is basically.
  8. Feed that emotion.
  9. Eat all the food.
  10. See food?  EAT IT!

I can absolutely promise you that with this diet you will get 100% results!  Will they be desired results?  No.  Will they be attractive?  No.  Will your face break out and your stomach be bloated?  YES. Guaranteed.  Will you start craving sugar like it’s going out of style?  Absolutely.

So… no diet advertisement is complete without a before and after…. you’re welcome :).

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Grace and R.B. Face

I feel a poem coming on

There must be something seriously wrong.

I don’t normally write in rhyme

I don’t normally have the time

So all you working mommas out there,

Come take a seat with Mrs. Fehr.

Please remember, criss-cross applesauce,

Oh, and that deadline from your boss.

The kids come first, paperwork is due,

Today was not the day to wear new shoe (s).

“Mommy I want to hold you”

That’s the only thing I want to do,

But the dishes are overflowing,

Your dad’s out mowing,

The baby is screeching

Your little arms are reaching.

It’s 12am

Finally some peace and quiet again.

Time to get that paperwork done

So maybe tomorrow you can have some fun.

This poem was supposed to be funny

Let’s definitely not talk about money.

Sometimes poems take a life of their own

just like those kids that one day will be grown.

It’s okay to not be perfect, it’s okay to let a few things slide

A pan a brownies doesn’t really show up on your thighs.

So go brew the coffee

Maybe eat a toffee,

And give yourself some grace

Otherwise you might end up with Resting B**** Face :0 !

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This Year Barbara Will…

As a special education teacher, I had to take classes in college that were about writing appropriate goals for students.  “Given  hmmmmm Student will hmmmmm by or over hmmmmmmm” (Thanks Dr. Meese!)

I think that it’s only appropriate that I have goals this year too… Enjoy!

  1.  Given [an IV of coffee] Barbara will [not become jittery, but instead become super human and have all the energy and knowledge available to man kind] by the end of the 2016-2017 school year.
  1. Given [two weeks packed with professional development and teacher meetings] Barbara will [refrain from playing Faculty Meeting Bingo even though without it her head might just explode] by the end of faculty/professional dev week.
  1. Given [five minutes in the morning] Barbara will [write a blog? shower? wash bottles? brush teeth? drink coffee?…. write a blog/drink coffee] over the course of each morning that she is awake BEFORE 5AMMMMMM.
  1. Given [$10 and freedom in the grocery store] Barbara will [buy two bags of Hershey Kisses, eat them, and discover cavities the next morning] by…  over… okay, so my creative brains are running out.  Oh look there’s a two left in the bag!! *Cue Frozen* mmmmmmm choocolate!
  1. Given [a blog idea in the middle of the night and waking up too late to do anything about it in the morning] Barbara will [waste time, let the bottles soak in the sink, not get dressed until the last minute, be okay with yesterday’s makeup, and write the blog because it is OBVIOUSLY much more important than any of those other things] by 7:45 am when the baby sitter gets here and I really do need to get ready for work. 😉

BONUS:  Given [little time to format the blog] Barbara will [let the numbers all say 1 instead of 1-5 because I’m not sure how that happened or how to fix it] by the time she’s run out of things to say.

Goals
Thank you to Pinterest for this pic!  I’m pretty sure I’ll be making one and hanging it in my classroom (not where the kiddos can see obvi 😉 ).